As a burgeoning reporter you're expected to cover some very random topics. Especially freelance gigs can take you weird places with people that are opinionated about topics most other people don't even know exist.These reservations and oddities are amplified when covering local issues in Los Angeles, primarily in areas where Cindy Crawford is at the P.T.A. meeting. She is still as lovely as the first time I saw her in a Pepsi commercial, I'll have you know.
Of course I am a complete professional who treats all sources as equals and tries to create a glowing rapport so they will tell me their deepest, darkest secrets and I can publish them for money. Or at least get a great quote.
Although when I saw Data from Star Trek, the talented Brent Spiner, at a Malibu school budget meeting I almost choked on my complimentary Perrier in complete excitement. Crawford would have been pissed if I spit in her hair, albeit a complete accidental reflex, so I kept my nerd meter in check.
Granted most assignments are not sprinkled with star dust. Most require grit and sheer will to not flee from the scene.
Like the time I went to cover a neighborhood coyote meeting to discuss how to coexist with these creatures that keep eating the area teacup yorkies and poodles. C'mon people you move into a canyon, you're going to run into some wilderness. And I bet the poodles are delicious.
When I heard 'neighborhood meeting' I thought I would head to a City Hall, Rec Center or even Library to get educated about why not feed wild animals, specifically when your pets are the main course.
This took place in a house nestled into a mountainside subdivision where no one would hear my screams. The least of which I needed to have at least a few glasses of table wine to stomach being packed into a foyer with agitated canyon folk.
I listened to the tearful rendition of how Noodles the lovable and heroic yorkipoo gave his life to protect sister Petunia from the jaws of a beastly coyote. The woman explained how Noodles was skinned, yes skinned, right before her eyes. Yikes.
In retrospect, coyotes rarely get over 40 pounds and she should have kicked that sucker in the head. Bam! Noodles lives to tell the tale. Teacup dogs are so little hawks regularly scoop them from the heavens. I thought it best to keep this to myself.
Seriously though, the nature conservationists invited to speak said that opening an umbrella towards one of those guys is an effective deterrent for these savage beasts. That, and not leaving out Peanut's special order doggie food or covering your trash.
To say the least this was all very informative. I was even able to awkwardly stumble out after two hours (!) fed and with crackers in my pocket for the ride home.
There are definitely worst gigs in life. At least I don't work as a telemarketer where the answer to my question is always no. Or at a McDonald's.
To check out some of my work visit smmirror.com. It's life changing stuff, that leans towards moderately interesting.
