I want to go out in blazing glory or in a freak carnival accident where I am flung into a large crowd injuring many

Drunk driving is an issue in L.A. I prefer to stay closer to home when possible and stumble my way back to the homestead. Not only do you work off some of the alcohol, but you can meet some really interesting bums on the way.

Keep in mind that over 1.4 million U.S. drivers were arrested for driving under the influence of alcohol or narcotics in 2007, according to the Centers for Disease Control. Yet, this is less than one percent of the 159 million self-reported episodes of alcohol-impaired driving each year.

There was about 197,000 DUI arrests in California, according to the state. This accounts for 14 percent of the entire barrage of arrests in the country for hitting the sauce a little too hard. That's a lot of drunk people in a concentrated area.

It’s just common fact in the city how to take the back roads and to avoid the cops at all cost. I mean racial profiling is also a major reason to avoid cops, but that’s another topic.

To even find that statistic I had to scroll through pages of defense attorney links promising release from the long arm of the law. That means a lot of people using their thumbs as sight checks to stay between the lines as they swerve down the road.

It’s like in Montana where everyone drives around sucking down drinks in hand. They speed down deserted highways trying to hit mountain goats with beer cans. I heard this boasted from a very reliable and drunken Montana resident.

It’s kind of like that in L.A., but the exact opposite. There are so many things to do in this sprawling city that one has to fight herds of traffic to get downtown to see the really cool shit. This means either an outrageous cab fee or attempting to be sober sally with the stern grimace planted on your face the entire night.

Of course, chicks really dig guys that arrive in B.M.Ws as well. It can’t hurt.

This tactic is about as well thought out as the time I bought rope shoes at a music festival. At the time, I just wanted more comfortable shoes than the plastic flops that I was wearing. Not really sure in what realm of reality I thought rope shoes would be the comfortable choice. Calluses formed almost instantly on my abused feet.

Never trust a hippie chick that tries to sell you shoes while on hallucinogens.

Sure, the $10,000 fine for driving under the influence does detour some of the wisest. Yet, I still have been subjected to white knuckles on the dashboard praying into my rosary. Just kidding, I don’t own a rosary.

I have experienced my fair share of road blocks that detour me on the way towards a happening Friday night. It delays my chance to get intoxicated, which is super annoying. Lucky for me I don’t drive drunk. Also I am a pleasant, little white girl driving a grandma Saturn with a damaged bumper.

If I can’t even fix my own car how am I going to pay their fines? I totally coast by under the radar.

I blame the celebrity tarts that make themselves infamous by getting D.U.Is and their names back into the news. This is not okay behavior. Lindsay Lohan has plenty of entourage to drive her drunk, fine ass wherever she pleases.

Most of the time, I just find another chump to drive. Which is why maybe I am having such issues with drunk driving, question mark?

In any case I am not judging, merely just speaking out of concern for the precious lives on the road. There are much cooler ways to die, anyway. Like saving a puppy from a burning building or turning into pink dust from an at home chemistry experiment gone horribly wrong.

Got to stay positive right?